The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -- Andy
When I have to choose between two evils, I like to try the one
I haven't tried before. -- Mae West
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now
quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.-- Homer
Calvin: People think it must
be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it
is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed
to be in the front?
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're
not 'professional' any more. -- Jeff Foxworthy
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,
but they've always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
I'm a lot happier (with myself, at least) than most people I meet,
because my life doesn't rely on money for richness. -- Mona
Kelso (wearing her Cheesehead Hat )
Sacred cows make the best hamburger. -- Mark Twain
Insomnia is my greatest inspiration. --Jon Stewart
Like I've always said: the darker the tint, the bigger the asshole.
-- Penny Tucker (after being cut off by a speeding
Mercedes Benz with "no see 'em" dark tint windows)
Life is enough of a challenge without having to deal with other
people. -- Robin West
By the time your face clears up, your brain starts going fuzzy.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather
straps. -- Emo Phillips
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown
The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it.
-- Elizabeth Bennet (From Jane Austen's Pride
Procrastination is the thief of time -- Anonymous
Heads that are filled with wisdom have little space left for conceit.
I was pulled over for speeding today. The officer said, "Don't
you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?"
I replied, "Yes, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
-- Steven Wright
Revenge is a meal best served cold. -- Anonymous
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
When you do not listen to your conscience it's because you do not
want advice from a stranger. -- Anonymous
When in doubt, tell the truth. -- Mark Twain
I want nothing to do with natural foods. At my age I need all the
preservatives I can get. -- George Burns
After so much disappointment, I don't invite happiness in without
a full-body search. -- Yours Truly
Religion is a neurological disorder. -- Bill Maher
Every junkie's like a setting sun. -- "The Damage Done",
lyrics by Neil Young
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do
it from religious conviction. -- Blaise Pascal